Wish

“At first, there is us. There is only us. But even then, even before we can know to know it, we wish you were here.”

This is the start of the book Wish, by Matthew Cordell.

This book was given to us a month ago as a gift from a dear friend of ours. And after reading the first page, I was nearly in tears. It is the story of a couple (they happen to be elephants) who grow together, but begin to long for something missing in their life.

Much like the couple in the story, Abby and I began to realize that what we wished for wasn’t coming. As much as we planned and hoped and tried, it just wasn’t happening. Even with our Hannah, she was gone before she came. And like it says in the book, “everything stopped. This was not what we planned.”

We began to live our lives and listen to where God wanted us to be. He gave us one more godchild (bringing our total now to 21), He provided us with the opportunity to continue to serve teens through Confirmation (Abby is now the coordinator of the program), and most of all… He allowed us to continue to grow as a married couple and live out the sacrament.

Even with all this, we still continued to wish.

And come December 2015… our wish will be here.

Timing

With .4 seconds left and a double team guarding Kobe Bryant, the Glove (Gary Payton) had no choice, but to pass it to their next best option… Derek Fisher.

With 53 seconds left and the ball on the 6 yard line, Joe Montana rolled right looking for an open receiver. Dwight Clark, who was battling it out in the end zone, hits the brakes and cuts to his left.

At the bottom of the 9th with Eckersley on the mound and two outs, Tommy Lasorda sends injured Kirk Gibson up to bat. After 6 minutes, 3 balls, and 2 strikes, Kirk swings as hard as he can.

The Lakers would go on to win that series against the San Antonio Spurs (though lose to the Detroit Pistons in the NBA Finals). The 49ers would win the Super Bowl and mark the beginning of what is the legendary San Francisco 49er’s dynasty. The Dodgers would go on to win the World Series against the Oakland Athletics.

pratice
Its all about timing. You study, you practice, you put yourself out there. All that is left is for you to trust that things will execute according to plan.

Thats what it feels like when you are an infertile couple practicing NFP (Natural Family Planning). You study the method and try to monitor cycles. You do your best during the “peak” periods and sometimes you are left wondering what you did wrong. Why didn’t it go “according to plan?” That is usually when the couple has to come to realize that even if they do everything “perfectly,” the plan is not theirs, but HIS.

One year ago today (9/11/2014), my wife and I lost our baby girl, Hannah, due to a miscarriage. We had made so many plans for her, but our Father made HIS own plan. A memorial candle for Hannah now sits in front of the Pieta statue at our Parish. It is our weekly ritual that we visit that spot to remember the joy and hope that she still brings us. While our hearts still ache for our child that was lost, it also smiles when we know that she is up in Heaven. In the Old Testament, Abraham and Sarah were struggling to have a child. God only revealed HIS plan for them when Sarah began mocking their infertility . Much like Abraham and Sarah, we too have thrown up our arms every now and then trying to figure out what we are supposed to do. But all we can do is wait for that visit from Gabriel*.

pieta

Whether a couple is struggling with infertility, miscarriage, or just marriage in general… God asks us to study, to practice, to put ourselves out there, but most of all to be faithful and patient.

Happy Anniversary Hannah.

*Gabriel – Angel that told Mary she was to have a child: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel