5 tips to ease the stress on your bride

Dealing with infertility as a couple is not easy, especially if you are the woman. For us men however, there are things we can do to help out the situation and ease the stress on your beautiful bride.

Here are my 5 secret (or not so secret) tips on how to help ease the stress on your bride!

1. Chart

She hates charting. It reminds her of the infertility you are fighting as a couple. By removing that visual reminder of her current and past cycles, you remove that big daily Red/Green/Yellow reminder. Doing this will also help you understand what is going on with your wife’s body, therefore understanding your wife more.
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2. Prepare her cocktails of medicines.icecream_pills

This means reading that page long description of the 10 different pills she has to take throughout the day. You will want to understand what each pill does; that Clomid helps to jump start ovaries in order to induce ovulation and that dim+ helps to promote the “good” estrogen. You will need to administer the HCG shots (and trying your best so that they don’t hurt). Packing her pills to so that she can take them during the day. Often doing these little things make it easier for her when she has to swallow her 11 pills on cycle day 20. Bonus: When I give Abby her medicine, I say to her “time for ice cream!”

3. Change subjects

When you are at a party or dinner with other friends and the subject veers towards how they love/hate their children. Just talk about the Lakers or make some weird noise…


If everyone else is talking about something else, they can’t make your bride feel uncomfortable.

4. Date night

Date night is very important. It makes her feel special and loved. It allows you both to be alone in somewhere that is not your house. Take her to the local miniature golf course or Disneyland (if you have passes). It doesn’t have to be fancy… my wife and I will sometimes go to Mass, then walk all the aisles in Costco (a very dangerous sport).datenight

5. Consistency

I can’t stress this enough. If you are consistent, she will never feel alone while carrying this cross. If you only do these things once every blue moon, it is meaningless. Her body is unpredictable enough, you have the opportunity to provide some consistency. She may still sometimes get annoyed at you, but she will know you are bugging her because you love her.

Hope you find these tips helpful. Do you have some tips of your own? Leave me a comment.

This is not an easy cross to bear, but together (with Christ) it is a much easier yoke to bear. I never realized how much work it takes to be a husband, but through this journey the love I have for my wife has grown much deeper. And maybe the husbands out there might be asking themselves why they should even care to do any of these 5 things. There is an easy answer for that – because you love her. Infertility is a very touchy subject. You may get a feeling of disappointment and hurt when you start thinking about the fact that you might not be able to play with your own kids, but how much more does your wife feel hurt? Often times women will blame themselves because after all it is their body. So it is important that we, as husbands, do all we can to remove that burden.

It is our job as the Pastor, Provider, and Protector.

yoke

http://www.creightonmodel.com/

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Out of my league

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful wife in the world. Every time I look or think about her, I wonder how I tricked her into marrying me. I have learned so much from her since we first started dating.

I had a hard time coming up with what I was going to get my wife for her birthday, but I found the perfect gift – a novena in honor of St. Anne, Jesus’s Grandmother.  Join us and www.praymorenovenas.com as we honor St. Anne.  It starts today on July 17th – Abby’s birthday and ends on July 26th – Abby’s parents anniversary.

On another note, I am working on a new post that will highlight the lessons I have learned as a husband to support this bride of mine… so stay tuned!

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the wall of underwear

So I was in the middle of Target standing in front of a wall of women’s underwear and I had no idea what I was doing. Abby said get the ones that will go above her tummy to cover her scar… so I grabbed a few. Each of the different brands had different size specifications. I mean, in Mens, we have Small, Medium, Large… etc. Women have Small, 4, 28… I was starting to panic. The number of women in the underwear section was growing. They were passing by me left and right, and I could feel them staring at me… judging me. They were giving me this look like, “Why is this guy just standing here and looking at women’s underwear?” I couldn’t take it. I grabbed a few different packages of underwear and headed to the register to checkout. Quickly realizing that I was in line with just women’s underwear… I grabbed a pound of Target brand coffee so I wouldn’t look like a weirdo and got the heck out of there.

Well, this is my life. This is the choice I made. And when my future son dyes his hair blonde (like his father did once when HE was a teenager) or begs me for the new iPhone 24, I will remember that moment at Target and remember the yes I made…to Abby…and to God. To buy my wife underwear because she just endured an Ovarian Wedge Resection. We are doing our best to say yes to what God is asking of us. For Abby, it’s to have surgery. For me, it’s to buy women’s underwear. I’d say that’s about equal… don’t you think? 🙂

And so here we are. We have taken the next step. Abby is in recovery mode and I wish I could say I understand, but I don’t. I will never fully understand because God didn’t ask me to understand. However he asked me to not get upset when Abby gets short with me because she’s in pain. He asked me to be uncomfortable because there is nothing I can do that can compare to the discomfort that Abby’s feeling. He asked me to play my part… “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her” (Ephesians 5:25)

This is the beautiful part of NFP (Natural Family Planning) and NaProTechnology. It is not just a method in which to achieve pregnancy, but a tool that can help mold a relationship of understanding and empathy. If both husband and wife are fully participative in this process, then that is when you start to see the real fruits. Husbands get to learn exactly what is going on within their wives’ body. It is no longer a mystery, but a miracle. Wives get to learn that the husbands will never fully understand the pain they go through and that there is no reason for them to get upset because of that.

So I’m just doing what I can… mostly praying that she gets better. That way I don’t have to buy women’s underwear anymore…but mostly so she can finally get a good night’s rest and not be so uncomfortable.

 

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Abby approved pictures below.. 🙂

 

 

Mt Whitney

Dear Abby,

I am writing you this letter as I head back home from my summit of Mt. Whitney… the highest peak in all the lower 48 states… 14,508 ft in elevation. I started this journey in the hopes of pushing myself physically and mentally. And while that did happen… God had other plans. During our stay at Horseshoe Meadows acclimating I couldn’t help but think about the amount of preparation it took for me to make it through this hike. All the countless early morning practice hikes.  All the used gear sales at REI to secure the equipment I needed for the trip.  All this to just step on top of a big rock?!?  It all just pales in comparison to the trip we are planning together… parenthood.

I know that we are preparing everything in the manner that God wants us to. Practicing natural family planning with napro technology, our everyday use of SPICE, and prayer with the blessed sacrament. I am now reading this book called “True Devotion to Mary” by Saint Louis-Marie Grignon De Montfort. I have only finished the first chapter, but I can already tell that this guide will prepare us for our summit. If JPII and a number of other popes held this book in high regard… then I figure it is worth our time.

Here’s to reaching our summit… Mt. Family.

See you in a 30 minutes (depending on the traffic on the 405)…

Love your husband ,
Mark Anthony

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Dr. Hilgers and Catholic Answers

Hi All its been a little while since I’ve posted and thats mainly cause I have so many things I would like to say… just can’t finish anything.  But I do have something that requires little to no effort on my part!

Recently Dr. HIlgers, the creator of naprotechnology appeared on Catholic Answers Live… an awesome radio show that Abby and I listen to via podcast.  Anywho… I just wanted to share the link of his interview.  He explains the whole subject 1000x better than I ever could…. well enjoy!

http://www.catholic.com/radio/shows/overcoming-infertility-7342